The Great None

It’s really easy to dump on video games from years gone by.

Some face technological restrictions of the time. Some were clearly developed for the sake of just getting something to market, or by capitalizing on popular product of the time. (ie; movie licensed games, etc.)

And then sometimes, games get pushed to market on the back of a celebrity or athlete. As we’ve learned over the years, celebrity and athletic status does not a good game make. (see: Fu, Shaq)

Enter, Wayne Gretzky Hockey on the Nintendo Entertainment System.

Dubbed the lesser of the ‘four major sports’ (and in a lot of places it doesn’t even crack that quartet) hockey (or ICE HOCKEY to some of you) has had varied levels of popularity in the world over the course of the past century or so. In Canada, it’s meme worthy and the running joke of many an outsider, but the sport does have a very ‘relgious-esque’ status across the country’s frozen tundra, for better or worse.

As it pertains to the return of video game prominence in the late 1980s, the sport was featured in various iterations on Nintendo’s popular Entertainment System, seeing a variety of releases from a few different publishers. Nintendo themselves released the popular Ice Hockey which is a loose iteration of the game (four skaters as opposed to five) but the fast-paced arcade action continues to receive positive reviews, more often than not, in modern times.

Another popular hockey game released during that time was Konami’s Blades of Steel, which featured a slower and more hybrid simulation/arcade hockey experience which, again, continues to receive more positive reception from gamers than the opposite, albeit even if enjoyed with nostalgic rose-coloured glasses.

But then there’s Wayne Gretzky Hockey, which I had dubbed ‘stinky’ a few years back and I’ll admit that’s being kind. After playing the aforementioned NES games and being a huge hockey fan, I was more than excited to play a game that dedicated it’s namesake to hockey’s biggest star.

35 years later, I’m still unimpressed. And that’s putting it mildly.

Look at this mess.

For the record, the fact that this game was licensed by the National Hockey League and NHL Players Association is a big deal. Authentic rosters of players and teams certainly helps to add realism, but I don’t want to overstate it like it’s a really good thing. 

Lipstick on a pig, and all that.

Regardless of sport, regardless of genre, the biggest element of any video game is the fun factor; do you/did you enjoy it? Was it a memorable, positive experience? These are what most people look forward to after they play a video game of any stature and that’s a big fat NOPE when it comes to Gretzky’s NES experience.

It should also be mentioned that Wayne Gretzky Hockey was developed for home computers first (developed by Bethesda, if you can believe it) and then ported to the NES. Whether that has anything to do with how the game plays I’m not 100% sure, but when looking at footage of the PC release, it’s clear that porting it across ‘as is’ was the full intent.

The game is ugly, let’s be frank. The overhead perspective doesn’t do it any favours and while I understand where technology was at the time, it definitely doesn’t look great. The overhead was certainly a popular perspective for many sports games of the era, but in this instance, it looks extremely dated, especially next to its counterparts on the same system.

It’s clear, with the associated licenses, that Wayne Gretzky Hockey is attempting more of a simulated NHL experience, but again, authenticity doesn’t make this game any better. The gameplay is clunky and honestly, just boring. There’s nothing about it that makes it enjoyable. The control might be the worst aspect of the game, and that’s really hard to look past. If a game can’t control well, it’s hard to enjoy it.

I could expand on this a little bit further, but the boys over at Drink a Beer and Play a Game put their own unique spin on this game over on YouTube. (NSFW)

https://youtu.be/iwDlDdSmgag